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Jun 16, 2008

The Hedge Abides

"Get to your places!" shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other. The Dude thought he had never seen such a curious bowling alley in his life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the pins mere inches tall, and the soldiers had to lie on their backs and puff air in a continuous stream, to make the hand-dryers.

The White Rabbit rolled first, failing to convert a seven-ten split. "Your toe was over the line!" bellowed the Queen, as she pulled a Walther P99 semi-automatic from her bowling bag. "You're entering a world of pain! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"


From Lebowski's Adventures in Wonderland, p 63.

With apologies to Lewis Carroll, Joel and Ethan Coen, Brunswick Corporation, and of course sender-innerowski Anne H.

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Nobody (bleen)s with the hedge-us.

(that was a leftover.)

Not That Mike The Other Mike
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:01 PM

Bahaha!! Moist Nosicle gets a 7-10 split, but loses 1/2 point because the 10 was stuck to a quill.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:05 PM

Love the apologies!

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:07 PM

Those pins should fall in shear terror from the glare in Hedgy's eye!

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:11 PM

Lebowski/Alice mashup for the win!!!!! Love both. Adore this intent hedgie. Be mellow little dude.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:21 PM

I seriously need to know where to get mini bowling pins for my hedgie.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:28 PM

=/ I want one badly

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:32 PM

Take it easy, man, there's a beverage here!

Dexter Fishmore
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:35 PM

Meg, you're killin' me! OMG!

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:38 PM

Zelda -- that's not Meg, it's Other Mike's first outing as a CO Post Author.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:54 PM

PS to NTMTOM: I dropped in a few reference links for ya.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:55 PM

grippy little ineffectual claws/moist nosicle/hard stare.
all most impressive.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:55 PM

Setting the bar pretty hig on the first time out, Other Mike!


 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:57 PM

Teho: I saw that; nicely done, and I'll try to do that myself in the future.

Not That Debutante The Other Debutante
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:57 PM

**high, that is...

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 01:57 PM

I think I like it better as "hig" Michelle. It's like "sleppy".

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:00 PM

WHAT? New person posting?

I mean, it's great. Awesome, actually.

:: walking away in a jealous huff ::

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:00 PM

... and if you can't leave in a huff, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Not That Groucho The Other Groucho
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:02 PM

Dude. Pick one and stick with it.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:04 PM

(I mean, I understand teh funny. But you have other outlets now.)

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:05 PM

So what happens next? The hedgie fixes the cable?

Dexter Fishmore
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:31 PM

Erm, make mine a *Caucasian* if you please. ;)

[Edited to obscure part of your real-word email address... - Ed.]

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:33 PM

I'm here for the rug.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:41 PM

Dag nabbit, i got beaten to the punch with the rug joke.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 02:44 PM

That hedge is the dude. Or his dudenes. Or El Duderino.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 03:19 PM

that hedgie is SO cute...love the moist little nosie...

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 03:28 PM

Oh, it's on, the Other. Your next post will be cursed. CURSED, I tells ya.

not that berthaservant the other berthaservant
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 03:47 PM

Hehehehehe, Berthaservant -- given my tendencies, it's probably cursed already. :-) Anyway, I would like to say thanks to Meg for the fun opportunity and I hope to keep you folks smiling and/or wincing in the future.

Not That Mike The Other Mike
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 04:02 PM

Must... bink... nose... Enh... enh... screen... in... way...

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 04:38 PM

YES! Double ref FTW!

You win the internets.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 04:42 PM

I luffs the hedgies. This site is what made me realize how flipping cute they really are. Plus St. Tiddlywink or Tigglewinks or something! It's a Hedgehog Hospital in England. Next time I go there, I'm going to this place. If I can remember the name.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 04:51 PM

@Wicked: I searched on "hedgehog hospital in England" and came up with a lot of hits for some place called "Prickly Ball Farm" -- might that be the place?


Not That Mike The Other Mike
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 05:00 PM

Oh, I'm having fun with this. Hehehe.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 05:32 PM

Really, this is brilliant. Thank you.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 05:35 PM

Ok, I can't be the only one who wants him to pull a "Sonic" by curling into a ball and knocking those pins right over.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 05:45 PM

Oh if he were only wearing shoes with little numbers on the back...

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 05:47 PM


That was Vintage Frostian Brilliance. The whole reason we visit this site.

Thanks. I needed that.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 05:53 PM

Most amazing post ever. I love this site so. so. much.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 06:03 PM

NTMTOM.. Dude. Win. Very very win. I hope to see more posts in the future!

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 06:32 PM


 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 06:50 PM

Keep up the good work, NTMTOM. Glad to see you have posting privileges. God help us all.

Laurie C
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 07:45 PM

Meg, you've outdone yourself. Alice, the Dude, AND an adorable hedge? I think my brain just imploded.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 09:00 PM

Viva Other Mike!!

Totalee Puppy
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 09:24 PM

NTMTOM, that was brilliant!

Now I look forward to Bertha's Daddy vs. The Other Mike LIVE. Whoooohoo!

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 10:15 PM

NTMTOM, you're doing amazing on your maiden voyage! Hopefully the first of many wonderful postings.

And berthaservant would make a great poster too, Teho & Meg. He's already got quite the fan club here, you know.

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 10:18 PM

Read this and thought, "This doesn't sound at all like Meg, not even like Teho... sounds like NTMTOM!"

And lo, it was so.


Amazing, Mike!

 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 11:06 PM

Those eye beams should knock the pins over.

hon glad
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 11:06 PM

Doesn't it look like the Dude is getting ready to do a Wile E. Coyote and spin his little back legs in place before going full speed ahead at the pins. Which will, of course, magically split down the middle to move out of his way and reassemble behind him.

Or else he's trying to sneak up on them. Are hedgies sneaky?

Congrats on a hilarious first post NTMTOM!

Martha in Washington
 |  Jun 16, 2008 at 11:34 PM

Other Mike? Does that mean there's a Proper Mike too?

The hand driers. *giggle*

 |  Jun 17, 2008 at 12:13 AM

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