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Oct 27, 2008

The 7 Types of Pet Costumes

First, let's get one thing straight. Pets hate costumes.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK YOUR DOG LOVES IT when you strap a Cowboy Barbie on his back, or YOUR KITTEH APPEARS TO ENJOY WEARING A PRINCESS TIARA. Someone needs to tell you, and it might as well be Cute Overload. Your pet pretty much hates it.

When we dress our pets up, it's for our own selfish enjoyment. So you might as well DO A STELLAR JOB, because your pet only benefits from a costume if that costume generates gobs of attention.

You owe your pet a damn good costume. Which brings me to the point. A LOT of you are SLACKING and/or CONFUSED out there. Think of the ANIMALS. Let me show you what's what. [Beckoning motion] First we have:

1. The Famous Human Costume

The Good: You always have to explain it. "He has a mini mohawk! He's Mr. T., SEE!?"
The Bad: Your pet still hates you if you don't step it up to make it recognizable

Exhibit A: Mr. T:

Mla00060556

And a well-crafted Martha:

Mla00058055

2. The Cutesy Hurl-a-Thon

The Good: You'll get a lot of "Awn, he looks adorable!" from other insane people
The Bad: Anne Geddes will come after you with enormous hedge clippers

Behold Bunny in a Lettuce Cup:

Mla00060454

3. The Non Sequitur Costume

The Good: Often very well-crafted. Drugs and/or heavy wine use is almost always associated with each costume idea.
The Bad: Lots of WTF?...OK! reactions.

The "BoomBox":

Mla00060160

The "Mix Tape":

Mla00060159

The "Buttered Pupcorn":

Mla00058040

The "Rice Krispy Treat":

Win_ricekrispietreat

The "Ham":

Mla00057192

The "Metro Line"!?!?!?!

Mla00060599

4. The "I Had it Lying Around" Costume

The Good: You finally clean up the house
The Bad: Your cat continues to hate you

There's the Boxed Wine Kitteh Leaf Thing:

Mla00060107

And Aluminum Foil/Rubber Band Turtle 'Jaws';

Scary

5. The "My-pet-is-going-to-kill me-but-I'm-doing-it-anyway" Costume

The Good: Target Dog Costume Sales reach all-time high thanks to you
The Bad: Your pet kills you.

Mla00060395

Nah, don't take the tag off. What's the point?

Mla00060041

5. Build on Your Strengths Costume

The Good: A costume that takes advantage of and accentuates a particular pet attribute
The Bad: Your pet's "attribute" is on display (the fact he looks like a pimp cannot be helpful)

Behold the Golden Retriever Lion:

Mla00057181

The Built-in Ewok Face:

Mla00059297

The Fish in a Bowl that Happens to look like a Jack-o-Lantern:

Mla00058296

The Cow-Spotted terrier:

Mla00058297

The Suave Hedge:

Mla00056485

The Built-in Wetsuit:

Mla00056924

And the Dog that Happens to Look like a Pimp:

Mla00058014

6. The Epic Transformation Costume

The Good: The pinnacle of a great costume—creative! imaginative! inspiring! Transforming!
The Bad: Everyone else instantly feels like crap when they see your genius

Behold...Elvis:

Mla00060607

The Jumbo Dachshund Dog:

Mla00059745

The Wizard of Oz:

Mla00059712

The Croc Versus Pup: (more photos here)

Funnydogcostume1

The Fast Food Gang [Making gang doughnut symbol with hand]:

Halloweenies

The Thanksgiving Turkey Decision: (That thought bubble is actually part of the costume):

Mla00059312

And, our current favorite, the Headless Horseman:

Mla00057867

7. The Just Plain Wrong Costume

Don't worry if costume types 1 through 6 don't encourage you. There is always type 7; just plain wrong. When in doubt, you can always create fake cleavage for your Boxer.

Mla00057392_2 Mla00057391

Huge thanks to all Sender-Inners over at the Martha Stewart/CuteOverload Costume Contest. Keep those submissions coming!

In no particular order: Oswald the Pug by kheilbrunn, The BoomBox and Mix Tape by lawlerc, Vino Paws by lvmyboys3, Elvis pup by sashimi54, Cat that's gonna kill by pastryprncess, hot dog vendor by StephanieJaxBeach, Oz by hrlollar Thanksgiving Decision by newfy, Ewok by raindropSJ, Cow by Breehan, Pumpkin Fish Tankie by piebispro, Martha Stewart Magazine by soulofart, Buttered Pupcorn by poc2u, Bulldog Pimpin' by cknlomein, Headless Horseman by newfy, Boxer St. Pauli Girl by hobie_utah Ham Dog by PaleBlue, Retreiver Lion by JeanninePC99, Terrier Scuba Diver by herrinkr and James Bond Hedgehog by jacqtav.

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Comments

Oh noes! I BROKE Overload!!

Oh, great, we're back. And I just scared my cat laughing out loud at St. Pauli Boxer.

Theresa
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:37 AM

Is this the longest post ever? Those costumes are great!!

Audrey
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:38 AM

I tried to make my hamster a parrot costume once... Yeah...

Too bad hamsters are able to squeeze out of anything or it could have been pretty cool : )

Jess <3's Sandy
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:39 AM

Gosh, maybe I should be a little more creative than just sticking a Halloween bandana on the old boys!

stubbedoo
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:40 AM

I'm in love with the scuba-diving Boston up there. <3

Ender
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:42 AM

There are two number fives!

twonumberfives
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:48 AM

That is one GRUMPY Rice Krispies treat.

gloom raider
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:49 AM

Box of Wine Cat WINS!!!!!

HorribleLicensePlates
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:49 AM

winston

(goes ded from lol)

blair
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 07:59 AM

Is that really Winston? Wow, is he clearly plotting murder or what?! The hovertext on the Elvis costume - yep, I had to say it in "the voice." Made me snerk.

Erebella
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:00 AM

PS- Meg EN FUEGO with the hovertexts!

Theresa
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:07 AM

Meh, if my Houdini (pic at http://contributors.marthastewart.com/portal/index.html?ctrl:id=window.default.ContestWindow&ctrl:type=render&ctrl:windowstate=maximized&op=vpic&user=679719&ccomm=24564&offset=550&cPicId=56939 for the curious) really hates getting dressed up so much, why did he always complain (loudly) until I got him dressed whenever I took him out to the local Ren Faire or pet store, then strutted, purred like crazy & showed off once he was dressed, and then pouted so much when I took the shirt & kilt off afterwards? (I have multiple witnesses, including some who are usually against dressing up animals). (And no, I didn't train him to cuddle the flask; I just looked over one day and he'd dug it out to cuddle all on his own - though sometimes he went for the small glass water bottle instead)

Heh, he didn't care one time he spent most of the day half-soaked because an ice bag leaked (it was really hot out that day), but when we took the kilt off (thinking wet wool=scratchy & uncomfortable) he pouted for hours.

The only time he's not wanted to wear them was one time when my dad kept teasing him about wearing a skirt; that time he took the clothes off himself, though he still pouted.

StormCat
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:21 AM

...whoaaaa.

Theo
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:39 AM

OMG! Love the properly p.o'd "Krispie" Kitteh, and that Ewok, among others, but still can't understand why people insist upon inflicting their own tastes upon their pets. I'd be darned if I even attempted to dress up said tres gatitos in any garb (and not only darned, but skewered and bandaged too!)

ThreeCatNight
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:40 AM

OMFG I even said out loud "Is that Winston?" and when I rolled my mouse over the pic, sure enough, "Yes, it's Winston!" AWESOME!

Vanessa
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:46 AM

I fully expected the Elvis dog hover text to say, "Y'ain't nothin' but a hound dog...."

Deckard Canine
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:51 AM

The turtle with the shark fin is pretty much the best costume ever. Perhaps I will affix one to my head and go as a shark. Also love the hedgie in the tux. AMAZING!

Fegli
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:53 AM

[slow clap]

Dexter Fishmore
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 08:59 AM

Y'all can have all the kudos in the world. Picky has once again rejected all attempts at costuming for Halloween. In fact, he went Kitty-tonic at the suggestion that I put a flea collar (!) on him, so no pics this year, either.

mberkie0
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 09:16 AM

@Deckard: Thank you. Thank you ver' much.

Theresa
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 09:17 AM

*dies from turtle&shark's fin overload*

starling
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 09:36 AM

The faces on these animals look very sad to me.

Pam
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 09:36 AM

Ah, poor Winston. I wonder if Rich has a video of getting Winnie krispie-ized...

laylaness
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 09:51 AM

The boxer in the last pics... the cleavage looks more like bum cleavage to me...

Am
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:14 AM

I like Rice Krispy treat, Ewok, and Croc Verus Pup.


Mr Bear
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:15 AM

StormCat:

My guess would be that your cat associates the clothes and flask with the activities that go along with them (ie: going to the pet store and Ren Faire where he gets mucho attention and cuddles). He probably cries until you put them on him because to him, putting on those clothes equates to lots of love and attention. And the clothes and flask probably retain some scent of the activities which is why he cuddles with it/them.

Junior
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:16 AM

I adore the Winston crispy treat and I LOVE the scuba diving Boston. I wish I could see how the Boston walks with those flippers on his feet.

ding
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:21 AM

Love is a Mixtape.

[I'd agree, except I've moved on to mixing gapless CDs... - Ed.]

[Seriously, the other day I even sang a quick backup harmony behind Bono that I've been dying to add, ever since "With or Without You" was on the air. Now it's finally the way it always should've been, to my ear. I can't even tell you how gratifying five well-placed notes and a little reverb can be... - Ed.]

Kar
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:25 AM

where can I get teeny tiny flippers please???

Benny's Mum
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:28 AM

Great post Meg! The Metro line was super scary and Winston looked ready to do bodily harm to next person who walks by!

carmen
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:30 AM

OK, as a registered member of the Beagle Party, I should be all over the croc-n-pup, but nothing will ever equal the sheer majesty of the HAM DOG in my eyes.

Ham dog, ham dog, where you been?
'Round the block for Halloween!

T.U.M.
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:59 AM

Elvis pooch is beyond excellent!

[Yep. I do wonder if The King can see through those glasses, tho... - Ed.]

gryt
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:06 AM

My Wheatster looks happy, don't you think? Spider Dog, Spider Dog...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/10428495@N05/891942335/in/set-72157600993844956/

Sunny was the cutest little cheerleader:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/10428495@N05/892791472/in/set-72157600993844956/

They have never really minded us putting things on them, as long as we don't put them on their heads...

Kris
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:13 AM

AMAZING ENTRY....pure brilliance.

Eleanor
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:15 AM

Elvis dog for the win, by the way.

Kris
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:16 AM

oh man, the Orange Line. represent!

rachel
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:17 AM

I am loving the Metro line costumes...I recognize the style, so I dare say they're referring to Northern Virginia metro stops since it's the Orange line. Or I could be wrong...

CoffeeCup
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:18 AM

I'm pretty sure you're right, CoffeeCup!

Kris
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:27 AM

Meg:

I have been coming to this site for over a year now and I've gone back through the archives and read every single post.

This is your best work ever. I haven't laughed so hard in months. And I laugh a lot.

AND -- I have not even read the hovertext. I was laughing so hard I forgot to mouseover and didn't realize until I got to the comments that I had neglected it. So now I get to go back and relive the whole thing again and laugh a million more times.

YOU, Meg, have MADE MY DAY.

Thank you, I am in awe.

berthaservant
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:28 AM

NOW I have read hovertext.

Breeliant.

Alt hovertext for dog-cow: "What do you mean, jump over the moon?"

berthaservant
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:32 AM

The Thanksgiving turkey killer one is my favorite. The dog is all "wut?"

Space Cowgirl
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:41 AM

This is a GREAT post! Thanks for the laugh :)

Renee
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:59 AM

hovertext on Mr. T dog just killed me ;) snickah!

also, how the hell did Rich get Winston in that box?!

Manny
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:00 PM

The turtle with the shark fin clearly kicks all the ass in this thread. WINNAR.

[http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2006/10/bloodcurdling_s.html - Ed.]

Zombie
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:06 PM

Love the scuba diving dog with the flippahs!!

I bet Rich waited until Winston was sleeping -- perhaps drugged even! -- to stuff him in the rice crispy box...

Of course he probably had to make it up later with a deep ear itching (ew)

Paunchie
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:28 PM

LOL! WMP! Thanks for giving everyone in my office a good monday laugh! Aren't our pets the best? Even the murder plotters?

Jezebel
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:33 PM

LOL! The cat in the box of wine wins for most pissed off looking. I would not want to be around when they let him/her out of there!

Lovin' the hovertext! Suave Hedgie and Croc eating Beagle were my favs! :-)

Aimz
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:41 PM

What, no Crazy Eggbeater Head Guy? Gimme some canday??

Theo
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:58 PM

Oh my God, the wiener hot dog is the winner of my heart.

Samantha
 |  Oct 27, 2008 at 01:11 PM

The comments to this entry are closed.

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