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Feb 27, 2006

And The Oskar™ Goes To...

THE Academy has SPOKEN! Chief Sister Officer has selected the following Kaptions for the Kaption Kontest™. Kongratulations to the following winners, and ALL entries. It made for an extremely difficult choice, so difficult we had to choose SIX winners. Ya'll get a hamster T-shirt! Please write in and let us know your preferred shipping address.

[drum roll!]

This Coffee Tastes Like Ass

Nobody Puts Baby In A Cup

Dunkin' Dognuts

Quarter Pounder with Fleas

[Orchestra music starts...]


And Honorable Manshons to:
"That's a Spicy Meat-a-ball!"


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"This coffee tastes like ass!"

That's so crude...and I'm still giggling over it. :-)

And when the dog gets out of the cup, he'll say "My ass tastes like coffee!"


 |  Feb 27, 2006 at 10:16 PM

'This coffe tastes like ass'?
You're kidding,right? Who decided this is funny? Pimply 12 year old boys, I bet.

 |  Feb 27, 2006 at 10:24 PM

Luis's was soooo much better! i want a recount.

 |  Feb 27, 2006 at 10:48 PM

But... Pupaccinos already exist! They're regularly served at the Cafe Bones ( http://www.cafebones.com.au/ ).

They're basically frothed up milk served in a dog bowl, sprinkled with treat.


 |  Feb 27, 2006 at 11:22 PM

Congrats to the winners. :)

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 12:52 AM

I still wanna know if the dog is going to get a tshirt too! He needs it to cover up that dorky harness ;)


 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 01:17 AM

'This coffe tastes like ass'?

LOL! ah, perfect.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 01:37 AM

I don't mean to spoil the fun but aren't those selections rather sexual metaphorically?

Mystery Wolf
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 01:47 AM

they are? wow, i'm ashamed of myself, i never miss a good sexual metaphor. :(

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 02:52 AM

can't believe that you selected a vulgar comment "this coffee tastes like ass" for that lovely photo!

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 03:24 AM

Wow, pretty rude choices!

I fail to see the humor in any of them!

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 04:31 AM

Nobody puts baby in a cup... rofl!!! :)

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 05:02 AM

I thought they were all pretty good...congrats to the winners!! OF course my entry didn't make it. LOL

Jan Spencer
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 05:20 AM

Pretty sad that a site peddling cute would talk about "ass coffee."

I agree with DISGUSTED!
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 05:47 AM

i think nobody puts baby in a cup is the best... : ) (its not mine!) its really sweet, though...especially if her name was baby

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 06:22 AM

Hm. I realize that I am sheltered and naive, but I utterly fail how any of them can be interpreted sexually, metaphorically or otherwise.

As for being crude, yeah the first one is a little off, but it's hardly worse than saying this coffee tastes like crap. And it's funnier, too.

The rest..."Nobody puts baby in a cup" is a quote from a movie.

The rest are takeoffs on advertising slogans or foods: Dunkin Donuts, McDonald's quarter pounder with cheese, cappuchino. If I'm not mistaken, the meatball line is from an Alka Seltzer commercial. Nothing crude or sexual about any of them.

I suspect those who were offended saw the first one and didn't bother to read the rest.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 06:23 AM

Y'know, that lil guy is prolly perfectly content sitting in that coffee cup. He looks so... chiiilll! Chillin like a fillin.

Nana B
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 06:24 AM

i thought ALL the winning entries were great, as were a ton that didn't make the final cut. (jaime's leaps to mind.) y'all are a fun bunch.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 06:37 AM

As an espresso bean snob, I can personally guarantee everybody that ass coffee definitely exists. (No, not LITERALLY; just stop, OK?) Bad & mediocre coffee experiences come a dime a dozen. It saddens me that most folks just accept the grim state of bean affairs, or don't even know better.
Ass coffee: Avoid it.
There are exceptions, of course. I have my favorite coffee shops, some of which are even appearing outside of the Twin Cities area, but I'll hold off on the product endorsements (since they seem to irritate me coming from other folks).
Always be alert for the scourge upon society that is ass coffee.
I'm fortunate enough right now to have a mug of the good stuff next to me right now: Fresh-ground, fresh-brewed, a hit of dark Guittard syrup, frothed milk, and strong enough to dissolve the spoon).
WARNING: Ass Coffee!
Oh, and I liked Jaime's "slogan schadenfreude" too.
Your mind and body are precious! Don't settle for (all together now)...

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 07:02 AM

How are any of those "sexual"? So doth say the PC Police??

Get a grip.

Meow House
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 07:02 AM

Fabulous. I laughed, I cried, I scorned the easily offended. Great work, y'all.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 07:11 AM

Oh my God, I LOVE "This coffee tastes like ass"!! That's my all-time favorite. Genius.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 07:13 AM

confession: i make -- and drink -- Ass Coffee at work.

i do attempt to mitigate the Ass effect by doubling or tripling the amount of coffee per brewing cycle, so it's at least strong. and warm.

and free.

my name is finn, and i'm an Ass Coffee Drinker.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 07:20 AM

"Quarter Pounder with Fleas" is my fave. It's the only winner specific to McDonald's.

I don't drink coffee, but I am aware of a Bad Ass Coffee Shop (the logo has a donkey). Maybe I misunderstood it all this time.

Deckard Canine
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 08:50 AM

OK finn, you owe me a cup of coffee--preferably NOT ass-flavored. I just spewed my current cup of espresso (not ASSpresso, mind you!) out my nose at your confession!

*schnrk* Owie. Caffeine in sinuses BURNS...


Denita TwoDragons
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 08:52 AM

BTW the winning entries are all hy-friggin-sterical! Good on y'all! And as for the prudes out there, take the broomstick out and relax, yo.


Denita TwoDragons
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 08:53 AM

c'mon guys, that ass one is funny.

but, "dunkin' dognuts"?

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 08:54 AM


Thank you...thank you...I am a vessel! A vessel of...Pup-o-ccino.

Seriously, I'm honored.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 09:28 AM

You suspected wrong, I read all the others, but the one heading the list was vulgar and sophomoric. I didn't say 'sexual'and I didn't interpret it that way, I'm not a prude, only I can't see how a site dedicated to 'cuteness' judges that entry as humorous or even clever.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 11:24 AM

My crack legion of flying monkeys is assembled and await my word. What is the will of the council?

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 11:26 AM



 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 11:29 AM

Theo, you say, "ass coffee definitely exists. (No, not LITERALLY; just stop, OK?)"

Oh, but it does...

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 11:59 AM

[eyes boggle, jaw drops]

Oh dear gods no. And it's even, like, super-spendy, > $100/lb. So, real honest-to-ass coffee DOES exist. Mind-blowing.

Still... it sounds better than that stuff in the break room.

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 12:16 PM

Theo, shouldn't that be holy crap (_|_) ?

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 12:55 PM

:extending finn's joke:

Hi, Finn!

...and, ohmyf****inggawd, "nobody puts baby in a cup!" whoever came up with that one, i'd like to kiss you. i'm having a craptastic day, and you just made me laugh, smile and snort. THANK YOU!!!

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 12:56 PM

Dare I ask -- is the name of the Oskar™ a reference to "The Tin Drum"?

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 01:46 PM

Awww flippin' pancakes!!!!Arrrgg!
I missed the inagural op to participate in the Kaption Kontest...Didn't notice it was posted and ready...I will be looking for it now...

dwarf rabbit owner too!
 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 03:01 PM

Hi, this is Prudie McPrude, the mayor of Prudeville. I would just like to congratulate all the winners of this hilarious contest. Not only was I not offended, but I lauged my Puritan ass off!

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 03:13 PM

can I just say how much I love that "blank Mcblank" just caught on? It's ALMOST as good as my pal Hrishi says "hot blank on blank action". It works on so many occasions!

-Meg (thumb-typin' on the Treo 7-hundy, bros!)

 |  Feb 28, 2006 at 07:31 PM

I agree with early commment that luis' shud be among the winners -which are all reali short ones- long captions just didnt have a chance, sigh. i didnt actually get the coffee tasts off ass one-confused me rather than made me laugh, but *shrugs* each to his own. congrats too all of u? but the prize sould be the doggy in the cup?

 |  Mar 01, 2006 at 03:01 AM

I disagree with the choice. 'Huas are so bitter b/c they are so small so they bark too much to make everyone aware of their quivering little presences snippy presences
Bostons, Frenchies, Kittiens, all could kick butt on an army (from Hell) of whiny little butt kissers.

I think maybe Raid and Orkin should Include them on their lists of pests. Hell, a glue trap could take one out but I don't believe in glue traps.

 |  Mar 01, 2006 at 06:45 AM

What happens in the cup, stays in the cup.

 |  Mar 01, 2006 at 07:08 AM

I loved the ass coffee quote! It made me laugh out loud at work which is very refreshing. And the pup in the cup is so cute. Keep up the good work. :)

 |  Mar 01, 2006 at 08:28 AM

I lik "This Coffee Tastes Like Ass" and "Nobody Puts Baby In A Cup"
Those are prure genious!!!

 |  Mar 01, 2006 at 10:54 AM

Meg, I'm partial to the "blanky blankerson" construction, or on special occasions "blanks blankowitz".

 |  Mar 02, 2006 at 06:31 PM

These were all hysterical and I love some of the comments here.
Thank you for being the place I stop everyday for a smile, a tear or a good belly laugh!!

 |  Mar 03, 2006 at 05:09 PM

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